Money And Kids And Life’s Obligations
You are not an island and neither is your relationship. Other relationships, kids and life in general will impact you and your money stuff.
Money and Kids and Life's Obligations.
Dive into discussions about all the what if’s in life.
Do you want kids, if so how will you deal with the money aspect of having kids? What will the impact of kids be on your financial vision? What will you do about funding schooling and education as a whole? Does one of you require the kids to go to an expensive private school?
Know where you stand on these matters and use your money conversation muscles and agreements to come to win/win solutions - remembering your relationship and its health must always be above your kids wants and desires. How are you going to create money savvy kids? Are they going to get pocket money or will they work for commission? How are you going to model healthy money stuff and how are you going to have conversations about money with them?
In the Money Savvy Kids Training I take you through the core money skills every child needs to be given by their parents and how to bring money management and savvy money skills into your kids life from as young as three years old.
What about gifts for kids? If one of you has love language around gifting or issues around wanting to bail out your kids financially - it can cause a lot of conflict if you don’t have pre-established agreements on these things.
What about investments in your kids' names? Start thinking about those areas long before you need the answers because they can create a real mess in relationships if not consciously considered.
Again I need to say your relationship must be given the highest priority. Yes, your relationship should be more important than your kids. Kids need to see that the two of you are aligned and in alignment on your money stuff.
Even in divorces and separation, where there are kids they must still see and know that you do not and will not barter, trade or betray yourself or the other. Do not play out any of your emotional baggage on or with your kids.
Using money in any kind of emotional warfare with your partner or wanting to “one up them” or show them up as not being generous is just not on.
“Oh, your dad's greedy or your mom's frivolous” or whatever the snide comment is - don’t go there.
What About Life's Other Obligations
Consider everything that comes into this relationship with you .
Is there an ex or exe's?
Do you have financial obligations from past relationships?
Are you financing your parents or siblings?
How are you going to deal with the past life obligations and how do they dovetail into your new financial vision and joint financial management?
You need to speak cleanly and openly about this. You need to find a way to be able to express your fear and concerns about your and your partner's past life obligations and also your desires for this relationship.
Are there kids from previous relationships? How will their financial needs be dealt with?
What is your relationship with fairness and what does that mean for you and how are you going to deal with things like kids inheritance?
How are you going to deal with your parents and if they need financial support or the extended family?
You don't have to have all the answers - what is important is that you create a framework for these kind of conversations and a knowing and a trust that you will both stay in the arena until you find a solution that is a win/win/win - a win for you, a win for your partner and a win for the relationship. That means no one ever betrays themselves in order to stay in.
This is what I want, this is what I am willing to do.
If these are gaps between what is wanted and what you are both willing to do, get support on how to navigate closing these gaps so they don't become festering wounds of resentment.
Sometime You Must Walk Away
Not all the gaps and differences you discover have win/win solutions to them.
Some gaps are impossible to close.
What I know for myself and having now worked with thousands of people, very few people fundamentally change their money personality type.
They can bring in systems and tools to protect their money from themselves. They can lighten up, feel the anxiety recede when they finally know where they are headed and have a proven plan to get them there, they can learn to spend more on joy and less on fear and obligation.
But the fundamental philosophies and way we deal with money tend to be fixed unless a big, big internal shock happens.
You can try to bring about a big shift by focusing on your BIG WHY and using powerful neuroscience techniques to future pace and feel the consequence of your patterns…but generally most people won't shift that significantly.
The sooner you have empowered, open and real money conversations in every relationship in your life - the better.
When you know what is true you can then decide what is best for you.
Remember - if you have to betray yourself to be in a relationship it will never give you the connection and intimacy and love you desire.
Self betrayal leads to resentment and frustration.
Love cannot live in the same place as resentment and frustration.
Your job is to live your best, most authentic, open, honest and wildly wealthy life.
If you cannot be fully you in a relationship you must have the courage to end it and walk away.
In Part 13 you ensure you can sign your heart to the life and relationship you are creating. Can both wholeheartedly agree to the way you are choosing to be around money, to the things you are agreeing to do, to the systems you are putting in place, and to the goals you have?
