Dysfunctional Money Relationships – How To Know If You Are In A Dodgy Relationship With Your Money And What To Do About It

27 comments

“Money and Me in a relationship? That’s just weird Ann!!”

If the concept of you and your money having a relationship seems odd and the idea that the quality of that relationship with money significantly impacts your financial reality seems even stranger – then you are not alone.

Most people are not aware that they have any relationship with money let alone conscious of how that relationship is impacting their life. In fact, for most people the words money and relationship aren’t even in the same universe. Mention relationships and people tend to think of how living beings connect and relate.  But in fact we have relationships with everything we have awareness of in our worlds.

The Webster dictionary gives the following definition of relationships

relationship

…the way in which people or things are connected …, talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other..

Based on that definition, I’m sure you can start to see how you have a relationship with money.

For example, I am currently in a deep relationship with an electric heater which is positioned about 2 millimeters from my right knee as I write this.

Given that my home is practically a glass box designed for hot summers and not serious cold snaps during winter, my relationship with this heater is bordering on pathologically possessive, and most definitely jealous and clingy. But give me a few days of sunshine and I’ll be as fickle as fame, forgetting about that heater that served me so well!

That is what some people’s relationship with money is like. Controlling, demanding, domineering, covetous, envious, distrustful, suspicious, overprotective….

For others their relationship with money is one of disdain, “Oh money isn’t important”, “I’m spiritual and above money”

Or a relationship of fear and dread…

That is what this video is all about.

 

Watch the video now to discover the characteristics of six different types of dysfunctional money relationships and see if you recognize yourself (or others which is always easier LOL). Perhaps you recognize the “Pursuer” type who spends an enormous amount of energy and time getting money in and then completely ignores it; or the “Clinger” or perhaps the “Princess”.

Also – ask yourself this questions…

  • “If you were your money and in a relationship with you – how would you feel?”
  • “Would you enjoy the relationship feeling you are given attention and are respected and acknowledged?”
  • “Would you describe the communication as strong and clear?”;
  • “Would you know what you wanted from you?”

 

Spend a bit of time pondering these questions and if you are truly feeling brave, knowing the power of self-awareness – describe how have treated money in this relationship in the past.

Then, in the comments below please leave me a comment

I’d love to know…

Did you recognize your “old” money behaviors in one or more of these relationship types and now with this awareness what one action can you take to shift towards experiencing a great, healthy relationship with your money?

Please also share this with anyone you care about who you think could benefit from a better relationship with their money too.

Until next time

Big love and wishing you lots of awesome cuddles with your money

TWC_Ann_Signature_spaced

 

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27 Comments

  • Nontuthuko Mgabhi says:

    I used to be a bad master of money. I was paranoid, I would cling to it (although money did not cling to me). But I would be paranoid to spend it – fear of of losing it and become poor and desperate. Amazing although I did not spend it but I also did not save/keep it. I would not know when it went/disappeared to.

    Now I have no fear when I spend money. In fact I now talk to my money when I spend it, command it to clothe the naked and feed the poor, and return to me in million folds. I now own 10 investment properties. Every year I afford to travel – see a place I have never seen. As I write this comment I am in Rome, Italy on holiday.

  • My relationship to my money – before I acknowledged its value and importance in my life – was one where I ignored it and believed it was ‘rude’ to even talk about it, let alone look at it, figure out how to handle it or admit I needed it. Guilt, shame – bit of the princess thrown in and also a closet pursuer. Whoa. Time to change.

    I’m not the only person here who can see the links between this relationship and certain significant others am I? My money must have felt like I felt in my marriage – and maybe my husband did too? Squirming a bit, but once you see a pattern you can change it. Thank goodness.

    What can I do? Make space and time for my money – not just in times of crisis, but regularly. Give it leadership – determine where we want to go together and make a plan. That’s why I am in the FFU.

  • Portian says:

    Before i met you, i was definitely a Pursuer. Thanks to your book i bought and all the videos i’ve listened to i’m definitely now on my way to being a Healthy Wealth Chef. Thank you so much Ann.

  • Stephen says:

    Hello Ann Wilson,
    This was a great post, thank you for making it.
    I am ready to improve my relationship with money.
    My takeaway from watching your video was that having a specific intention with what money will do for me is key to helping it work for me. Just like communication in a relationship, getting needs heard and sharing what’s important will help whoever we are in a relationship with better serve us, and of course help us better serve who we ourselves are in a relationship with whether it be a person or an idea or an object. Money itself is an idea. I also believe that I was stuck in the mind set that money is funneled in and out of my life and then would not come back so easily, but that’s until now. Now I am getting that we simply can increase the amount of funnels we have for money to flow with us, improve the circulation of money and find multiple ways to increase that flow.

  • Michelle says:

    In my childhood I was able to save money to buy my first bicycle. As an adult I have become responsible to pay rent, pay bills and pay tithes. I have developed the desire to spend money on what I want instead of what I need. I want to learn to become more intimate with money. For it to serve and support me of it’s value. Release it’s potential and give me clear direction of it’s potential.

  • Deborah says:

    I was having a conversation with a friend about a relationship and how much it has changed in a very positive way over the past few years. She said 4 words: “What about your relationship with money?” and began to outline the basic premise. The lid blew off my head as she described the very things that I had changed about how I relate in the relationship I was speaking of her … Identical! How we do one thing is how we do everything. Of course. For the first time in a long time, I feel hope again … Treat my relationship with money as if it were a relationship with a human … give it the nurturing and respect that I would expect from a lover .. and that I give my lover. Which means that I take the time to deeply see how I am currently disrespecting it … so that is my task for this afternoon .. answer the 4 questions above. Thank you! This is powerful!!

  • Shanna Mason says:

    Hi Ann , I enjoyed learning of my Personal Relationship with Money and I fall in a few of the Categories mentioned.
    I felt Terrible about the Ugly Truth, but how else can we move forward?
    I fall in the Princess , Spiritual and Guilt Category.
    With your help and information you are Teaching me , I know I will be able to have Healthy Money Relationships forever!

    Thanks so much Ann .
    I truly love how Simple you make Everything. …….

  • Robyn Kevlin says:

    Is it possible to have aspects of ALL those dysfunctional relationships at once, LOL!? I think that mishmash may be me, all over. I guess I need to buckle down and figure out how to determine which “me” is ascendent at any particular time, and what the time involves. Am I one way at a certain time of the pay cycle, or a different me based on my current level of debt, or is it tied to the phases of the moon? ;0) There’s work to be done, all right.

  • Di Atherton says:

    I never thought I was a Pursuer but I am!!! *hides face*. I do chase money but I don’t give it the time or respect it deserves when it arrives. I am just so relieved it is there! I have printed out those 4 questions in order to take a deeper look at them. Thank you for this Ann, timing is perfect, as always. Definitely serious food for thought, which as you are the Wealth Chef I guess is a good thing haha.

  • kathleen says:

    I enjoyed this, thank you. I have had an over protective relationship with my money, particularly in the past. As I have worked to let go, it has become more like the spiritual relationship. Not always, but I go between protection when money is tight, and spiritual when I feel more comfortable. I see how both are extremes and are either over focusing or avoiding.

  • I hear you! I have done most of all the things you have mentioned in these videos to source income. I’ve been a public school art teacher raising two children mostly by myself and so I always did outside work to help add to the pot. These other incomes were always related to my passions. I did workshops, seminars, festivals, camps, integrating my love of maritime history/sailing and the arts! But I always had a dream of doing the part time more once I retired. Well I’ve been retired for three years now, I am working part time as an adjunct for the local college while I’ve been restoring a sailing vessel that is my major investment towards my business model of creative voyages/excursions.
    I can totally relate to your metaphor of my self worth being a giant rock in the middle of my flow. You see I also lost my Mom to alzheimers three years ago and have gone through some terrible depression and my self-worth plummeted. And to be honest, I am feeling very much that my self-worth is effecting my net-worth and visa versa…I am deep in debt trying to complete the restoration of this vessel so I can get started with my dream this coming fall. I am beginning to gain momentum again, but it has been a hard road of motivating myself to completion.
    I had a long conversation with my sister, whom has now become the cheerleader my Mom was for me and I am so grateful for this newfound friendship she and I have developed since my Mom’s passing. She reiterated to me that I needed to do what I had been called to do all these years. She knew that I had been working on these passions of mine as a back-burner income for long enough that they really needed to come full circle and bloom! I have always worked through organizations and institutions and it scares me to death to try to market what I do on the open market. My sister suggested that I go ahead and use these same institutions to do the leg work for me by offering my classes, expeditions, workshops through the college and other educational organizations once again! She said, you just need to re-package it and sell it to them so they come “on board” with you! Otherwise, it scares me thinking I would have to attempt to make an income from ‘products’ I produce. Although I enjoy the ‘making’, I am not excited about producing multitudes in order to fill orders…I really am more about the sharing, exploration, therapy and educational side of eco/art.
    I am also currently working on my Phd/certification in eco/art therapy, which is a totally new field that I am so excited about supporting and want to integrate it with what I have been doing thus far…..(re-packaging).
    I’ve been thinking about maybe going to one of the workshops at the college that specializes in helping entrepreneurs get started. I spoke to a counselor a few years ago and he was excited about my idea but I think my idea was not very clear….so I put it off, started working on the dream boat and put my nose to the grind-stone working for the college.
    I’ve now woken up from the grind-stone and realized, this dream is waiting for me to get started!

    • Ann Wilson says:

      Thank you for sharing Suzan, and for trusting us all here with your beautiful unfolding adventure. You have expressed so beautifully that a wealthy life is a combination of factors from your family and your sister supporting you, to having financial stability and support and to doing the things you love.

  • joy says:

    Hi ma’am Anna goodrvening..i would like to say about the wealth money i never receive any kind of money i know i got big money in my ofw fb link but i dont know when i get it..only heaven knows &also in relation for money freedom i’am happy if get that money..i will give to charity street children in my country&pastor’schurches..my family needs thank you for the info you send..GOD Bless your family&friends people’s around the globe cheersworld

  • Nombuso says:

    Wtching this clearly show me why I was not moving but staying in one place,but ectually management was laking.thanks Ann for you

  • kath says:

    Firstly love your videos
    I am a Guilt and Shame when it comes to money. Because I am selling my house and retiring in the next few months realise I need to do some serious thinking about my relationship with money
    Thank you for all you encouragement

    • Ann Wilson says:

      Ohh retirement and a whole new opportunity for a whole new relationship !! It’s like having a new lover Kath 😉

  • Carolyne says:

    Mother hen!! Need to make my money work for me as right now it’s doing pretty much nothing and going pretty much nowhere!😣

    • Ann Wilson says:

      Carolyne – the great thing about discovering your money is seriously lazy and has been effectively sitting on the couch channel surfing while you’ve been out working is that it is easy to get it up and working – way easier than a teenager LOL.

  • Emilia says:

    A bit of everything. A lot of “spiritual”,”shame”,”anxiety”. Plus I have taken risks, I’ve learnt,explored yet to no real success. Didn’t enjoy the process yet I know it is essential.

    • Ann Wilson says:

      Keep exploring Emilia and have fun with coming up with ways to make the process more of an adventure than something difficult. Get playful and curious xxx

  • Mabel Otuomasirichi Ikechi Mabel Ikechi says:

    Yes I now know and understand it better the relationship I must have with my money. Thank you Ann you are just great and wonderful.

    • Ann Wilson says:

      Awareness is the first step in anything. What follows awareness is the choice to stay with what we are doing and hence creating or make a change. I’m thrilled you’ve got the awareness now – so here’s to you making the changes. xx

  • Veronica Hagan says:

    i can’t open the video u sent 2 me about dysfunctional money relationship.

  • Riekie Opperman says:

    Thank you Ann.I just love the way you get down to earth and how you make complex issues around this thing called money, so clear. Since I stumbled upon your facebook page and bought The Wealth Chef, I have learned so much from you. I am now well on my way to being debt free and I have a special savings account where I put money aside for FFU 2017. I am sending you Love and Light from my heart to yours.

    • Ann Wilson says:

      It’s my absolute pleasure Riekie and I hope you are acknowledging YOURSELF for the massive actions you are taking because all the information in the world is worthless without application.

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